5-or-more-ways-to-separate-your-public-and-private-life
Oct 2011 24

If you’re a big star like me – you can tell I am because I have a giant star in my logo – then surely you appreciate the value of living at least some of your life in private.

Out of the limelight. Away from prying eyes. In the dark (or with the lights on).

There may be many reasons for this. Maybe you have skeletons (or models of skeletons, or Slim Goodbody) in your closet; your loyal audience may be attracted to you because of your mysterious aura, and giving too much away would simply ruin your unique mystique; maybe you don’t want the general public to know about your penchant for stupid rhymes; maybe you’re embarrassed – not because you have a porn stash, but because of the kind of porn you’re stashing; maybe you’re a selfish bastard and you don’t want to share your little idiosyncrasies with those who worship the ground you walk on. Jerk.

Whatever the reason, I nonetheless submit to you that if your intention is to make it big (or biggish… esque…), and you’re not a fan of your real last name, then you owe it to yourself to get started on creating two entirely different identities for yourself. It’s never too soon to do this. It can, however, be far too late; if you’re already a star and you haven’t done this, then I’ll be of no help.

Also, if you’re already a star, I’m your biggest fan! Welcome to my website and please check out all my music and drop me your contact info so I can send you this screenplay I’ve been dying to get into the right hands! I was just telling my wife the other day how much of an inspiration you’ve been to me!

If you’re hesitant to get on board what looks to be a surefire identity crisis before you’ve even released your first nugget of creative joy (or crap), I understand. But give me a chance and read me out.

I wasn’t always a big star. Even so, no matter how much of a big star I wasn’t, I’ve always carried myself as though I was. And I don’t mean that I’ve gone around acting like an egomaniac or projecting some holier-than-thou or better-than-you attitude that you peons probably expect of someone like me. I mean I’ve put as much work and as much care into everything I’ve done as I possibly can. I didn’t just record and release some albums – I built themes, created a package, constructed accompanying websites, etc. Essentially – where possible – I’ve done my best to look and act the part.

I’m not saying that I’ve been pretending to be someone or something I’m not, nor am I suggesting that you “fake it” or copy what someone else has done. I’m also not saying to fabricate what’s in your soul, or to hide your heart to the world.

What I am saying is this: whatever you want to be, no matter how far along you are down the path of success, be it. Invent your look. Create your voice. Put everything you have into that album cover. Do everything short of creating a brand, (but also, create a brand… even use that little “TM” thing…). Don’t save the best you have for later just because right now you’re nobody. I call this “interviewing as though you already have the job”.

People – usually close friends – have asked me, “Ender’s Real Name, why do you pretend at being famous?” My answer is usually, “You’re mistaken. I specifically don’t pretend I’m not famous.”

In other words, don’t pretend at anything. Be the success you’ve always dreamed of being. Today.

Aside from the things already mentioned above, you’re likely pondering how you might go about doing such a thing.

1. INVENT A NEW NAME

As some of you scifi bookworm geeks may have already noticed, the origin of my “stage name” is rather obvious. Most of my adoring fans – which would pretty much be my friends and family, with the exception of my mom, my wife, my brother and my best friend(s) – consistently pick on me for giving myself my own nickname, but truth be told, it’s an evolution of a name that I was actually given when I played drums for a band called “The Waffle Senate” at age 16. First of all, my real name is not “rock star friendly” and, again, this is really the best way to get started on creating a public identity for yourself. You can get onstage and play your heart out in front of 50,000 people as Shenanigan Smith, but you can shop for groceries or see your kid’s tee-ball game as John McWhatever.

There can be a downside. I have some very close friends within the business – including my wife. As a result, most of them know me by my real name and thus refer to me as such while working. I always insist they call me “Ender”, and I always get a barrage of eye rolls for it. The truth is, I insist on it because there can be people there that don’t know me personally, and I’m trying to leave my personal life out of it. Additionally, if I’m trying to create my brand and network my name out as “Ender”, then that’s how I want people in the business to spread my name around. If someone mentions my real name to someone else, that someone else may have never heard of me. They likely have heard of Ender Bowen.

Also, I’m a pretentious bastard. And I’m high maintenance.

2. CREATE A SEPARATE ONLINE IDENTITY FOR YOUR PUBLIC PERSONA

While I do have a personal Facebook account that I utilize solely to connect with my friends, family, acquaintances, and pets, I do not at all have a personal Twitter account. My Twitter is entirely for my public persona, for use mainly as a promotional tool and as a way to communicate with my fans! I treat this the same way I do my public Facebook account. So, while it’s entirely fine for you to have your own personal Facebook, and even your own personal Twitter, make sure that whenever you create social media accounts you keep your public and private ones completely separate. And unless people you know in your private life are also business contacts, keep your friends and followers lists away from each other too! You don’t need your private drama in your fans’ faces all the time – that could be a complete turn-off! Being famous, I have many enemies – my mom, my wife, my brother and my best friend(s) – so I’m not interested in having my private life thrown up in front of everyone I’m trying to impress or convince to buy my tee shirts!

3. DRESS HOW YOU WANT TO BE RECOGNIZED

Remember how I was talking about the importance of being able to play a gig in front of a large audience as Shenanigan Smith whilst also having the ability to go to your kid’s tee ball game as John McWhatever?  One of the best ways for you to be able to do that is to establish an iconic “attire” or “look” for your public persona. The more familiar people are with that, the way-totally-less they will be familiar with your private one. A little bit of knowledge I find incredibly useful – if I dress up as “Ender Bowen” and go out on the town, for the most part people generally know they can come up to me and ask for autographs. They don’t – but they know they could. If I go out on the town dressed as my private persona, either no one bothers me because they know – having dressed as such – I don’t want to be bothered, or they simply don’t bother me because they have no clue who I really am! Either way works.

So there you have it – some very easy, simple and effective rules for getting out there, doing your thing, and still being able to come home and sleep comfortably in your own bed.

After you’re done with that weird porn stash, that is…

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