How You Know You’re Getting Somewhere
2015 has been quite a busy year. It’s been busy enough that it feels like it’s zoomed by incredibly quickly, but it never really took off like we were expecting it to back when we made our New Year’s Resolutions (of which I can remember only… well… none).
When the ball dropped last January 1, between kissing my wife and clumsily shaking hands with Al Snow (that still tickles me – I’m such a huge wrestling fan) I was still convinced, despite being way behind in the process, that I was going to get a new album out by the Fall. I was also fairly sure that my stock was going to rise at the production company I had been working for – I had put in time and had worked diligently and done (I felt) a lot to move things forward there. But as days went by and I still wasn’t getting anything done on the new record, I also wasn’t getting called in to work at the studio. In fact, it wasn’t until the first week in February that I was brought back in, and even then it was tentative. Had I known I wasn’t going to be working for that long (it’s a long story to tell really but let’s just say I was getting “strung along”) I would have been looking for other work. Smart people in the biz know to be doing that anyway. But, see, I wasn’t smart. I’m still not, in many ways.
But my not working in January also led me to trying out for a couple of bands playing bass guitar. Initially, my intention was to just be a hired gun – that’s why I was even bothering. But as it turned out, one group – which eventually came to be called “Rutherford” – really fit me well, and I them, and we all very quickly became good friends (and someday I’ll talk more about that). The other group… lots of talent there but let’s just say it wasn’t right for me.
In February I quickly changed tact on the album project and instead started focusing on reissuing a 10th Anniversary version of Lemonymous (something I’m currently in the throes of documenting here) while working again at the production studio and playing with Rutherford. In fact, this was pretty much the state of things until around April. Somewhere around there, the band broke up (we all remained friends), and despite the fact that the production studio wanted to make me one of two outward faces of the company, it had become quite apparent to me (and several others) that something didn’t smell right, and I joined the other would-be face and three more people in leaving – all of us in the same week. Not an easy thing to do, certainly not without any job prospects. It wasn’t a decision met with fanfare at home, either, for obvious reasons.
So for the next couple months I looked for work and kept up on Lemonymous. Then I got a lucky break when a new acquaintance of mine (don’t worry, I won’t out you) helped me get on working in the electric department on a small budget feature for three weeks. If I remember correctly, that was pretty much my late July into August. And it was hot. And hard. One of the hardest things I’ve ever put my body through (because, let’s face it, I’m so super out of shape – I’m well aware of the fact that for people in shape this job was probably not that taxing). But I did it and came out on the other end feeling good. Work like that (or as a production assistant or in some sort of assistant director capacity) followed through the next couple months and, while coming sporadically in October and November, pretty much dried up.
But hey, I got the Lemonymous project done, so that’s good! And I’ve added a lot of stuff to my “production” resume! And I’ve met a lot of great people from in front of the camera (you know, talent) and behind the scenes.
In October, fearing I wasn’t going to be getting jobs very often in the Fall (seems I learned something after all) I started driving with a particular ride-share company to earn some money. And that’s helped. But, again, the other freelance jobs are few and far between.
On and that smell at the production company I had quit back in the spring… turns out we were on to something – the studio doesn’t exist anymore. I’ll leave it at that.
Now that I’m back into trying to do the new album for next year, whilst also cleaning up Neon Apocalypse for its 15th anniversary, I’m also trying to do video editing on top of it. Some of you may recall that in a recent video journal I talked about editing a documentary. I still am… and I still can’t talk much about it. Suffice to say that as far as a “job” goes, I think this is the direction I’m heading in.
And that’s all on top of trying to get my stuff prepared to play live as well as another top secret thing I can’t really talk about either.
Ah! Secrecy. You sly mistress.
Oh! And raising a child. How incredible it is in so many ways that words can’t even describe. That’s why I’m not going to write anything about it.
The funny thing is, despite the fact that I’ve done a lot this year, accomplished a few very awesome things and at certain points felt like we were finally turning a corner, in many respects I feel as I sit here very much like I did in January. I still don’t have anything concrete or consistent, and I’m looking for something that is.
On top of the music career and everything else I’m trying to create for myself. Yada yada yada.
And look, I get that half (more than half) of the reason it’s so rough is that I’m refusing to go back to taking phone calls all day or some other such thing that will likely depress and suck the life out of me. I get that it’s difficult because of a choice I’m making. It’s one that I make every day. And it’s not easy. But nothing worth doing is ever easy.
And I tend to believe that following your dreams is worth doing.
So while we may not have turned that corner that I had expected to turn this year, I feel like we got our fingers to slide against the surface of its edges. We know where it is. It’s something definitive that we’ve touched.
Now we’ve just got to grab hold and pull with everything we have.