Something crazy happened nearly three weeks ago…
I became a Dad!
As a songwriter, a lyricist, a screen and script writer and general artist extraordinaire, I’ve found myself surprisingly speechless when it comes to any attempt to try and explain exactly how this feels. I mean, certain words like “ecstatic” and “surreal” help, but they don’t quite capture the actual cluster of random emotions that I feel when it comes to the idea that I am now responsible for an innocent (for now) newborn child.
No, actually, wait. I have some:
1. Rage-a-procity: The feeling of rage I have toward my wife – Emily Steele – when she snaps at me for no reason in the middle of the night when the baby is crying because… who knows… and the reciprocation of rage back from my wife to me in response to the initial rage I had at her due to the afore-mentioned snapping.
2. Cooleyhighharmony: The feeling I get when Addison (the baby) makes a cute little “coo” sound in between gulps of milk or formula from her bottle.
3. “Garrrrgh!”: The sound I make when I’m trying to watch my soaps (WWE) and Addie decides to take that time to scream.
4. “Garrrrgantuan!”: This is actually the same thing as above, but way worse. Like during a Pay-Per-View or a new episode of New Girl.
5. Turrd: This is essentially when I’m super tired and just want to get to sleep, but the baby wants to poop after I’ve removed the last diaper and before I’ve put on the new one. This, incidentally, causes Dissentery, which is the act of myself and Emily disagreeing over how we should handle this poop situation.
6. Defect-cation: Speaking of the above, this is when my brain has decided not to help out with reminding me when was the last time I pooped.
7. Postureplegic: Due to lack of sleep and having to sit in awkward positions through the night in order to feed the baby and attempt to get her to sleep, I’ve lost all posture.
8. Comatoes: It is what it looks like. This is essentially when I’ve lost all feeling in my feet to due extreme bouts of Postureplegia.
9. Chronillogical: Time makes no sense anymore. I have no idea what day it is or if this is even Japan. I mean, what is “red”, really?
10. Blurps: When I think the baby has burped but, no, she’s spit up on me.
11. Dayscreams: Sometimes, if I’m lucky enough to get a little nap during the day, I have horrible nightmares that Addie is falling down the stairs, grabbing a pot full of boiling water, or watching Miley Cyrus.
12. Awwwwwesome!: It’s okay – she’s an adorable little baby and it’s only a matter of time before things get easier to deal with… ish…
These are only some of the things I’ve experienced or felt thus far. I know there’s way more out there left to see and feel. I actually can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings (though I’m not super excited about what tonight brings). Being a Dad is scary but, in the end, it will be wonderful and worth it.
Parents, what strange and weird feelings and experiences have you had?